Budha and Budhi
Budhi (Wife) enjoyed what she believed to be good relationship with her Budha (Husband) till one day it suddenly ended. The husband, who never blamed her for anything, preferring to take upon himself the responsibility for everything that went wrong between them, turned around and told her he just couldn't take it anymore.
How could she have been so oblivious to the deepening fissure? Why didn't she notice or understand Husband’s discomfort and against in the relationship? A lack of communication, the reason many relationships break down, turning soul mates into roommates and then, no mates.
The biggest problem of course is that most men and women seem to be talking at cross purposes most of the time because of the vastly different ways in which they think. Words are not only medium for communication. People should communicate through gestures, touch, your sensitivity, respect, attention, thoughtfulness and caring, the choices we make in life and how considerate we have been of our loved one's, needs and desires in those choices. It might Sound easy, and yet most of us forget to look beyond ourselves and interact with another. "But I talked all the time," protests Budhi. "He hardly ever spoke and never did he once make me sit and explain his problem to me.
Basically he bottled up all his feelings and without warning one fine day let them out and dumped me. I tried to reason out with him, apologized and told him that I could and have changed. But he was not ready to listen.”Communication isn't all about talking; is it? It's as much about listening intently. Listening to what your partner says, and even more important, hearing what he doesn't say. Husband’s silences and tendency to bottle up his feelings was admittedly very self-centered and excluding — a sure way to kill a relationship. And yet, didn't Budhi notice the abnormality of his "taking all blame on himself” and never once protesting? After reading a book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”, I can state that “Both Men and Women seem to be from different Planet.
There is bound to be differences between either Martians and Martians or Martians and Venus. Only solution that can overcome it is what I will call “Intelligent communication medium”. Men have traditionally been brought up to be independent and so hardly ever explain their actions, while women are taught early to connect with each other and relate on an emotional plane. That in itself lays down the grounds for different perspectives and misunderstandings.
To sum up, I would go by my wife’s Padhmawoti’s saying-“Trust and Togetherness” are two key elements in the journey of relationship. If one element is missing couples will become wary and Stress, new situations such as the birth of a child, financial hassles, suspicion, jealousy, and frustration and so on will rise. Therefore it is not good idea to throw away a relationship you have invested your life energy in just because you refuse to talk. Or, because you forget to listen!
How could she have been so oblivious to the deepening fissure? Why didn't she notice or understand Husband’s discomfort and against in the relationship? A lack of communication, the reason many relationships break down, turning soul mates into roommates and then, no mates.
The biggest problem of course is that most men and women seem to be talking at cross purposes most of the time because of the vastly different ways in which they think. Words are not only medium for communication. People should communicate through gestures, touch, your sensitivity, respect, attention, thoughtfulness and caring, the choices we make in life and how considerate we have been of our loved one's, needs and desires in those choices. It might Sound easy, and yet most of us forget to look beyond ourselves and interact with another. "But I talked all the time," protests Budhi. "He hardly ever spoke and never did he once make me sit and explain his problem to me.
Basically he bottled up all his feelings and without warning one fine day let them out and dumped me. I tried to reason out with him, apologized and told him that I could and have changed. But he was not ready to listen.”Communication isn't all about talking; is it? It's as much about listening intently. Listening to what your partner says, and even more important, hearing what he doesn't say. Husband’s silences and tendency to bottle up his feelings was admittedly very self-centered and excluding — a sure way to kill a relationship. And yet, didn't Budhi notice the abnormality of his "taking all blame on himself” and never once protesting? After reading a book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”, I can state that “Both Men and Women seem to be from different Planet.
There is bound to be differences between either Martians and Martians or Martians and Venus. Only solution that can overcome it is what I will call “Intelligent communication medium”. Men have traditionally been brought up to be independent and so hardly ever explain their actions, while women are taught early to connect with each other and relate on an emotional plane. That in itself lays down the grounds for different perspectives and misunderstandings.
To sum up, I would go by my wife’s Padhmawoti’s saying-“Trust and Togetherness” are two key elements in the journey of relationship. If one element is missing couples will become wary and Stress, new situations such as the birth of a child, financial hassles, suspicion, jealousy, and frustration and so on will rise. Therefore it is not good idea to throw away a relationship you have invested your life energy in just because you refuse to talk. Or, because you forget to listen!
Labels: relationship
posted by mybheja @ 10:14 AM
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